everyone loves steven
by Iba
Summary: Steven tries to deny the truth.


Steven has been feeling weird in many places, especially down there. His feet has been killing him as his crotch has been feeling tingly for all the wrong reasons. He refused to delve into these horrifying reasons; he simply cannot be that kind of person.

Yet one fateful day he had to face the truth when he opened his door to see a beaming Sapphire. She was happy for the fact she just won her seventh gym badge with her crappy Pokemon. Right when Sapphire defeated the twins with her last, barely living Pokemon, she immediately ran over to Steven's place. Needless to say, Steven and his willy did not expect the beast, especially because he didn't remember giving out his address.

"Steven!" Sapphire exclaimed as she let herself in. "Where have you been? I just won my seventh badge!"

Steven was flabbergasted at this girl to answer correctly. He (sadly) regretted being friendly with the trainer and giving out his number. For quite a while he has been ignoring the calls, hoping in time Sapphire would forget that he even existed.

Before Steven could formulate a response, Sapphire continued talking because she was indeed a child who never shuts up. "Steven, the battle was so hard! I almost gave up, but then I thought, 'Steven wouldn't give up when things got hard! In fact, it would be even more exciting!' So I used Surf and everyone's Pokemon, including my second battler, drowned. There were massive waves everywhere! Oooooh, that victory was great!"

Sapphire didn't realize that her choice of words, phrases, and emotion bothered Steven so much that he himself felt hard. He quickly grabbed a chair and sat down.

The man was thinking, 'Please leave.' repeatedly, but that did the opposite. Sapphire did in fact come closer to inspect Steven, and he almost freaked when she put her hand on his forehead only to have her say that, "Golly, Steven, it seems like you have a fever!" without realizing that she was still wearing her gloves. Steven was going to correct her on this until he realized that this was the perfect opportunity to have her leave until she said, "Well, good thing Ruby will be over in just a bit!"

As if on cue, Ruby bursted through the door. "SAPPHIRE! Next time don't just describe the color of the house to me-GOSH! They all look the same! I like, scared the pants off everyone, and I got attacked with a BAT!"

"Shh, be quiet, Ruby! Steven isn't feeling too well!" Sapphire announced as Ruby walked over.

"N-no! I'm o...," Steven couldn't finish because as he muttered this, he tried thinking, 'Come closer.' repeatedly to get the opposite effect, but that did not work, either, for Ruby took off his white cap and shoved his face in front of him. The boy was staring at him, looking for a disease until he noticed that Steven was ridiculously red and confused.

"Oh, yeah. That hat wasn't my hair. Most people usually think it is. Isn't that weird?" Ruby said as Steven told himself, 'I'm not a degenerate.' continuously. Ruby started laughing. "Pet my head, Steven!"

Steven quickly put a hand over his pee-pee.

"Do you have to go to the bathroom?" Sapphire asked as Ruby's big head was still in Steven's sight. Steven was trying so damn hard not to touch the kid.

"YES! ...Yes. I—I really need to go," Steven said as he got up and practically ran in the bathroom to get a gasp of air. He found himself sitting on the floor, imagining Arons frolicking on rainbows as his arms were around his legs, rocking back and forth. Five minutes later his meditation was interrupted with Ruby knocking on the door.

"Hey, are you done yet, so that you can get back to petting my FABULOUS hair?" Ruby joked, chuckling. Sapphire in the background told him to grow up and that nobody cared about his hair.

"Yeah... I'm just about d-done!" Steven said, getting up. He eventually took a deep breath before opening the door, only to have two kids on top of him.

"Give it back!" Ruby shouted as he tried grabbing his hat back from Sapphire, who waved it in Steven's face. There was a lot of squirming going on on top of Steven as he tried his best not to squeal. "Steven, tell her to give it to me!"

Steven couldn't handle it, anymore, though. He felt a burning passion deep within that erupted vocally out. He moaned. Quite loud. The children stopped.

"...Are you okay, Steven?" Sapphire asked as she and Ruby (after he snatched his hat back) climbed off him. Steven was just lying there, wheezing. The kids were just standing over him until they decided to pull him back to his feet and got him to his chair. Steven was too numb to take note of all the touching.

"Poor Steven," Sapphire said. She then glared at Ruby. "This is all your fault! If only you didn't get annoying!" After this, much bickering happened until they heard Steven tell them to be quiet because he had a headache, which was a lie. He just hoped nothing "horrible" will happen again.

The plan worked, though. The two stopped fighting and began to think up ways to comfort the secretly horny man. Ruby began to give Steven a back rub as Sapphire began talking about her eighth badge or some shit. At this point Steven was thinking about jail because it felt so wrong that it was right.

After a while, Ruby stopped and smiled at the man. "You look so much better!" he said as Steven mentally replied with, 'You look so adorable.' He felt disgusted with himself and decided that he WILL get these crazy (and cute) kids out of his house before it got out of hand. He stood up.

"Look, you two should g-"

"STEVEN!" Sapphire shrieked. "Your zipper's undone!"

Steven looked down, and indeed his zipper was undone. He didn't do anything, though. Instead, he got so frustrated that he accidentally sucker-punched the curious Ruby in the face.

"YES," Steven shouted as his pants fell down. "I-I AM. SO HORNY! YES! I AM A PEDOPHILE MASTER!" He started chortling like a hyena and tickled Sapphire before galloping out of his home in a boner-like state, going, "YAYAYAYAYAYAY."


End file.
